Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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