I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
