All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
