Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
