Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
