Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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