I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
