Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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