White coat. Heels.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
