wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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