He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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