Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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