Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
