this beer tastes like vomit already
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
