Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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