They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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