You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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