did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
