He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
