Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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