You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
