My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
