oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
