need another drink. this is the easiest way
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
