I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
