I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
