Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
