My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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