2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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