my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
