Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
