perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
