Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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