you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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