Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
