My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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