Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
