i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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