help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
