no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
