I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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