Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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