Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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