cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
