ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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