ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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