I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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