He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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