i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
