I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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