I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
